Wednesday, November 30, 2016

10 Real Facts About Your Honest Momma

Happy hump day my beautiful friends!

I don't know about you guys, but this month has been particularly heavy on me. Hell, 2016 has been heavy on me. Because of this, I wanted to lighten up the mood for this blog post. I thought it would be really fun to create a list of 10 honest things to know about your Honest Momma blogger, me! If we are going to continue to share this relationship with one another than you should really get to know me on a deeper level.

So here it is, a top 10 list of the good, the bad and the ugly of yours truly:

1)  I've never been particularly talented in the music department. I had a singing lead in a 4th grade musical production of the Lion King and I was utter shit, ending my singing career forever. I also had a short french horn hobby which landed me second chair in a two chair french horn section. Needless to say, I wasn't given a single drop of musical talent. However, for as long as I can remember, I have put every single special moment in my life's history, to music. Music has always had the ability to pull any emotion out of me at the drop of a hat. It's not uncommon for a song to make me suddenly start crying like a baby or make me laugh uncontrollably.

2) I have an insane and irrational fear of Pavarotti (the Opera singer). When I was really young, like five or six, I had a dream that Pavarotti forced me to marry him and be his servant?? So weird, I know. Ever since that dream, I can't listen to his music or see his face without getting the creeps.

3) When I was a child, I also had an extreme fear of my parents leaving me while I was sleeping. Can't explain this one either but my solution to this fear was refusing to go to bed until my parents said this phrase and only this phrase, "Goodnight. I love you. See you in the morning."In my mind, by saying these things, they couldn't possibly leave me while I slept right?! Years later, this transitioned into a fear that my first love would leave me so I made him repeat this same phrase to me for the entire five plus years we were together.

4) Anytime I am feeling sick to my stomach or hungover, the only thing that truly makes me feel better is to lay down in the shower and let the hot water run on top of me until it runs out. Try it!

5) I really dislike sweets. This is really odd because for a large portion of my life, I dreamt about becoming a baker and it was really difficult to get me out of the kitchen or away from my prized possession mixer. As soon as I became pregnant, even the thought of sweets made my stomach turn and to this day I would choose a bag of chips over a sweet snack every time.

6) For the larger part of high school and college, I paid my bills by waiting tables. Most of the time I was really great when dealing with difficult customers but there was one single time I was pushed over my limit and to this day, I regret the decision I made. I had a couple that frequented one of the many Asian inspired restaurants I slung sushi in. Every week they came in and every week they bitched about their food, ran their server like a dog and left no tip. After several months of this, I had enough and spit in their food. Yea, I know, that's totally gross... but so it the attitude of an entitled restaurant patron. Moral of the story, be nice to your servers. I promise this is tame compared to some of the other things I've seen happen to food in a restaurant.

7) I have ALWAYS trusted way too easily. In fact, I earned the nickname gullible Goble at one point in my life. When I was about 19 or 20, this ability to believe even the most far out lie, led me down a path of "selling" my laptop to a nice women in Nigeria... This woman was supposed to be purchasing this computer for her photographer son and she was going to send me the money as soon as she received a copy of my receipt from shipping it to her. Yea...never got that money.

8) I love animals. Often, I catch myself loving them more than humans. They are just so much more faithful through the thick and the thin... One time, my love of animals almost got me bitten by an opossum, probably raging with rabies. I lived in Florida at the time and I was walking out of a friends house when I noticed an injured opossum had crawled behind some bushes and was just laying there, on the edge of death. At the time, I figured if this opossum was going to die then the least I could do was give him his last meal. So I went inside and made him a roast beef and cheese sandwich. When I was trying to sit the sammie and a bowl of water in front of him, the little bastard tried to take my hand off at which point I threw the food at him and ran away. Later, when I went back to check on his progress, he has eaten the sandwich and taken off! Maybe he had crawled behind a different set of bushes to die in peace, but I like to think my sandwich saved his life.

9) Not once in my life have I ever touched a worm. In fact, right behind snakes, worms are my absolute biggest fear. Ew, I get the chills even thinking about them now. I also never told anyone this while I was growing up out of fear that I would be tortured with them as some sort of sick joke from mean kids.

10) I can belch bigger and better than any man. In fact, I won an award for this talent in high school, something my parents are extremely proud of, I am sure.
This is a good example 

There you have it! A handful of fun and interesting facts about the Honest Momma. This was definitely not meant in any way to be hard hitting or soul touching. I simply needed to write something a little fun and lighthearted this month. I hope you all enjoyed getting to know me on a little deeper level :)

Wishing all a very happy holiday season <3
- Your Honest Momma

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