So happy to be back writing :) I've been discussing a lot with my mom, the Honest Yaya, what my next blog topic would be about. I've been very interested to write about relationships, friendships to be exact. On one of our walks recently we were discussing the idea that people don't know how to have genuine relationships anymore. Making a new friend these days seems to take a lot more effort than it once did, why is that? Are people just so non-committal and waiting for something better to come along? Maybe I am the only one who thinks about these things... but as someone who takes my relationships with people pretty seriously, I find as I get older, friendships come to me in a a few different forms instead of a clear cut mold.
Maybe it is just my love of science and classification but when I look at relationship patterns with people over the last ten years or so, I can't help but notice that gone are the days when you have one kind of friend. Also gone, is the ease behind getting and maintaining a quality friendship, Why is this?
From the time we start to really build relationships with people, until the day we die, we will make hundreds if not thousands of connections. Some of these connections will be meaningful, long lasting and true friendships and some will be fleeting, diminishing once one or both parties have gotten everything out of the relationship they need or want. I've personally had more friendships than fingers to count, but only a handful continue to make a genuine effort to truly be a good and present friend.
It is these types of friendships that I put into the "one-sided" or "self-serving friend" category. You all know what kind of individuals I am talking about. These are the people in your lives that maybe at one point in time, you made a connection with, talking every day, getting together a few times a month and then WHAM. It stops. If you aren't the one to reach out to them then contact is not going to happen. This is the point in time when your friendship starts to become more of a job and you are the only one doing the work. I would say about 90% of my connections made since high school have turned out this way and that is OK! I am not here to judge and I am positive that somewhere there is someone who feels like I have been this kind of friend to them. The truth of the matter is this, people get busy... lives change and sometimes, you lose your commonalities that once brought you close to someone.
On the other side, you have your framily. The first time I ever heard this term was from my now very dear friend Madison. I giggled when I first heard this but when I thought more about it, this word perfectly described a subset of people in my life. In my college advertising classes we talked a lot about how people live by a tribe mentality more so than sticking close to just your blood relatives anymore, your urban tribe. This was me! I can say with absolute honesty that I have never been a huge "family" girl. I'm an only child who never really found anything in common with my mother's side of the family. After my paternal grandmother died, so did my connection to a lot of my dad's side of the family too. I have stayed close with my dad's sister and her sons but that is truly about it. This isn't something that keeps me up at night, in fact, I think it helps me sleep better! My entire life, I have found my family in my friends, my framily.
When I started high school, I remember it was so important to me to be friends with as many people as possible. Like friends were something collectible and the more you had, added to your worth. By the end of high school I started to see that quantity did not equal quality. Fast forwarding to today, after having too many of these "one-sided" friendships to count, I can't help but think that people just don't like to commit to things anymore. I once thought that only men struggled with the concept of commitment but after a plague of unreturned texts or one-sided hang out invitations, it's starting to become clear that this may be an epidemic with no gender boundaries to be seen.
That's all I have for today beautiful people <3 Wishing you all a fun and safe Memorial holiday. Go make some friends!!