Friday, May 13, 2016

Hello again beautiful people!

Work has been picking up at a rapid pace for me with tons of different outreach events. It has been a little difficult finding time in between it all to write a new post but I wanted to make sure to get something out since Mother's Day just happened and what is a honest mom blog with no Mother's Day post?!?

Real quick, I have to tell you that my first Mother's Day was wonderful and I hope all of my mommy followers out there had very special days as well. I honestly could have been happy just spending the whole day napping while someone entertained the kiddo but it was nice to get out in the yard with my momma, beautifying my new house and sipping mimosas while Sawyer giggled at us in the background. I always celebrated my mom during this holiday but how special it was to see others recognizing all the hard work we do as mothers on a daily basis. I felt very loved for sure :)

During your day to day routine as a mom, it is so easy to lose yourself in the shuffle. I was recently trying to explain to someone that as a mom, I really don't feel like there is a whole lot of time to give to myself anymore. Sawyer is in a stage where she doesn't want to be detached from my hip and when she is at daycare I am giving my all to my job because I am the only one bringing in an income for my family, I feel like I have to work extra hard. Then it is time to come home and haul Sawyer around while I try to keep a clean house and get dinner prepared. By the time I put her down to sleep, it is already 8:00PM, I realize I haven't even taken a break to pee since I got home and all I can muster up the energy for is dragging myself to the sofa to relax before bed. I see the look on my boyfriend's face when he walks through the door from working a long day himself and I don't jump up to greet him at the door. I know he is feeling neglected himself and it breaks my heart... but how much more of myself do I even have left to give by this point? This is a thought I often face multiple times during a given week and I know that I am not alone in this.

I've had the discussion many times with one of my good friends in Florida. She is the mom to three beautiful girls, all still under the age of 5 and let me tell you, if any woman needs praise and a medal of honor, it is her. I've watched her kick ass over the years, making everyone in her household happy first, even if that means pushing her own happiness to the side time and time again. I've always been amazed at how she got it all done without losing her mind. I look at the pictures she posts of her perfect family and her perfect life in Florida, catching myself wishing for what she has! BUT it wasn't until the last time I went to visit her that I could tell something was different. My friend had finally hit her limit. She felt completely lost as a woman, feeling trapped on the merry go round of being a mom. She was breaking up the same fights, doing endless loads of laundry, cleaning the house only to have it destroyed again an hour later...she had enough. Now, how many mommies can relate to that?? I know I can!

It wasn't until Sawyer came and I entered into a new relationship, that I truly understood how hard it would all be, keeping life in perfect balance while trying to grasp onto whatever remnants of yourself there are left.

I used to love to read. I could get lost in a book for hours on end... but now, anytime I pick up a book, I am asleep before I can even finish a chapter. Running has always been a passion of mine. I ran my first half marathon right before I got pregnant and I have never felt more alive than after completing this goal I had set for myself. It was so easy to go for a run anytime I wanted to or hit the gym for a quick sweat session, but now the planets have to perfectly align if I want to work out. The weather has to be just right so I can take Sawyer on a run in her stroller. She needs to be fed so we don't get down the road and she starts screaming which may happen anyway since she is 10 months old and her only method of communication is crying. I have to make sure to pack toys in the bottom of the stroller so she doesn't get bored which also may still happen anyway and then there is the whole fact that I used to only worry about getting my own body weight around but now I have to push an 18 lb baby, her stroller and all her crap. By the time I weigh the pros and cons of going on this run, I lose the motivation and decide it's just not worth it anymore.

Cooking!! Oh, how I used to love to cook! Fast food was an abhorrent thought to me and I could spend hours walking around a grocery store, smelling the fresh produce, sparking ideas for my next meal. Now, I feel like every time I go into a grocery store, it is an absolute miracle if I get out of there without spending $200, also! Walmart happens to be Sawyer's favorite place to blow out a diaper. Meaning we have to go into the nasty bathrooms where she continues to scream at the top of her lungs because all of the toilet flushes scaring her to death. By the time we get home, my nerves are shot from trying to keep my child happy and there is sweat dripping down every crevice imaginable, I have no energy or will to make anything for dinner so I end up eating a bag of popcorn out of my yearning for something quick and simple.

My mission is not one of gathering pity from my followers.  I do get some help with Sawyer every now and again which occasionally allows for me to go be myself for a few hours and for this, I am extremely thankful. My mission IS however, to create awareness and urge acceptance.

Awareness: For those of you who may only have one thing in common with this post, and that is, you came from a mother who you just celebrated on Mother's Day, way to go! It is totally awesome that you took a day to celebrate the woman who gave you life. BUT! Maybe think about showing your dear momma some recognition more than one time a year. She did after all, give up most of herself for you!! I honestly have never been very good at this. I have always celebrated my mom on Mother's Day and her birthday of course but it took me becoming a mom and seeing how much is sacrificed to truly appreciate how wonderful my mom really is. Love you mom!!

Acceptance: Moms!! You have the most thankless job on this planet. Give yourself a pat on the back and make some freaking time for yourselves! Gone are the days when you need to give up everything you love about yourself for your children and your significant others. It is time to once again celebrate the things you love the most about yourself and accept that your family will survive if you go to your yoga class once a week or hire a sitter so you can meet up with your friends for drinks every now and then. Remember my friend in Florida that I told you about?? She has finally started doing this for herself and I am so so proud of her. Just last month she and another one of her mommy friends went to a the concert of her absolute favorite artist and left the kids home alone with dad for a WHOLE night! Not only does mom get a little rejuvenating trip but dad gets to see just how hard mom is working all the time. It's a win win :)

No go out there and show those mommas some love!

With love and honesty,

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